In 2011, I asked the one hundred or so followers I had on my author page whether I should pursue research about youth sports or parenting. In my mind they would have been two distinctly different projects. Overwhelmingly, the people who weighed in, almost primarily mothers, suggested I put energy into dissecting the youth sports landscape. The project that ensued is due to be released in my latest book:
I came to accept the fact that because we were raising athletes, a deep dive into youth sports and learning to navigate them well as parents and coaches, influenced every parenting decision we made. It also profoundly changed my personal relationship with sports and the relationships we all had with one another.
That was my key finding, actually. All the information in the world, every suggestion about how to raise the most athletic children, all the programs designed to strengthen muscles, all the team building activities that actually build teams…none of it ultimately mattered until I determined why we were doing all of it in the first place.
In setting out on my second Choosing to Grow project, I had to chart the course. I had to identify where I ultimately wanted to land and after writing out the mothering and coaching goals I wanted to achieve, I kept landing in the same spot. My goal was healthy relationships. Period.
Each child, each choice, each team had potential to derail a relationship-centered trajectory. Choosing the Team, which for the duration of my research was my family team but expanded to the youth team at large, means self-sacrifice sometimes. More and more that is an unpopular and confusing decision. Choosing community above individual achievement is a counter-cultural choice.
I put the priorities of those around me above my own, ultimately deciding whether the choices I made would grow or break down the relationships I had. It changed how I showed up and it informed any changes I found I needed to make. Healthy relationships require so much more energy from me than mindlessly writing a check for that next individual sports experience.
The same decisions were necessary when the “Youth Sports Machine” demanded something from me, from one of our children, or from our family that threatened the integrity of our healthy family unit. Pressure from coaches, sports marketers, other parents, recruiters, etc. took energy to resist, but because I kept focus on the relationships I would ultimately have with our kids, my husband, or the families for whom I coached, I slowly gained confidence to say no to things that sounded like it would be disastrous if I didn’t.
I had determined to ignore all that would have broken apart the relationships I valued.
It is hard to say no when everyone around you is telling you to say yes. If all the programming, if all the travel, if all the expense is tearing at the fabric of your family, or straining your relationships with your children, choose the courageous route. Make eye contact with the children in your care and stick to the reasons you are involved in youth sports in the first place.
If you need something to reinforce your inclination to simplify the crazy youth sports world, you’ll find encouragement in the pages of the book. It is meant to be a conversation, so gather your people to discuss it, or show up virtually or in person to chat with me about the challenges you face.
Meagan Frank 
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