Legislation Cannot Love, Only People Can Do That

I knew when I wrote it, there would be disagreement with the position I take in a chapter about gender in sports. The timing of my book being published means the dismissal of my perspective could be swift and without discussion. I pray daily that discourse is still possible.

The most controversial pair of sentences in my newly-released book are these:

“Relationships are what matter and knowing each athlete on a unique and individual level is the absolute best approach. Male, female, trans, and nonbinary children and teens need team adult to fully support who they are, how they want to play, and who they can ultimately become as athletes.”

At the crux of my assertion is that parents, coaches, and administrators must focus most on relationships with the children and teens in their care and help them to find a place to play. What many people will try to do is stare at the other words in those sentences, the ones that make them uncomfortable, and throw out the entire argument.

Humans have become exceptionally good at minimizing what might be challenging and conflating what bolsters their beliefs. We exaggerate, market, position and power-posture for the effect that achieves our personal comfort.

Raising children isn’t simple and it is far from comfortable. It requires self-awareness, sacrifice, patience, discipline, balanced decision-making and endurance. It also requires unconditional love. If you are among the adults in charge of groups of children as a parent, coach, teacher or administrator I don’t need to tell you how those challenges are immediately multiplied.

To relate to another human being, truly relate, means we love them. Full stop.

The position I take in the book with regard to unconditional love is in line with St. Thomas Aquinas and his assertion “to love a person is to wish that person good.” (Summa of Theology) What seems simple to employ only becomes complicated when we decide who gets to be called a person.

My husband and I have been coaches for decades. Between the two of us we have coached 1000s of athletes. The athlete pictured with my husband is the one and only athlete we know of who has ever identified as trans and she did not transition until years after high school.

I felt compelled to take this picture because I knew I was watching my husband convey his unconditional love for an athlete in his care. It didn’t matter to him that the player was on JV and struggling to learn to skate. It was of no consequence that the team was not a great fit for this particular athlete. In that moment, my husband had the capacity to look another human in the eye and share belief in worthiness. No law will ever be able to convey, or take away, the love people have the daily power to communicate.

Legislation may build the roads and bridges we are asked to navigate, but love MUST be what carries us along them.