Many of you, who have been following my blog for a while, know I am trying my hand at Tomboy Conversion. I am sorry to report I’ve had a bit of a relapse.
I had been making a consistent effort to do my hair, apply my make-up and consistently wear anything that was not made of old sweats or t-shirt material. I’m going to blame the economy (because that just feels like the right thing to do), but I have found many more productive ways to spend my money and my time.
I have discovered something though. I think my thought-process has been flawed. I equated the girly look with the girly experience, and I think I might be missing the point.
I spent the entire weekend, last weekend, with my two girls. The three of us did arguably the most girly of activities: watched an ice show, set up for and attended a ladies tea, watched Freaky Friday, shopped at the mall and all the while embraced all that it is to be with a group of girls.
For one entire weekend, there were no sporting events or practices and not a single athlete fluttered across our television. We giggled and posed dramatically for pictures. We hugged and danced and celebrated.
I noticed something though. The events that generally attract women as organizers take a lot of planning: pagaents, ice shows, dances, choir concerts, weddings…this is in contrast to the events that attract the men. Men, as an over-generalization (and most closely connected to my man), seek out sporting events, fishing, or hunting,.
This is all still swirling itself around in my head, but I started to think, maybe the stereotypical difference between men and women is this: women spend time planning to control the outcome of events, and men want nothing more than to be surprised by the results.
For women, the stories they share after a planned event are about those things that didn’t go as they had hoped. The surprising dress that Sally wore and the disruption to expectation.
For men, they rehash the details of triumph and defeat and live vicariously through the men who have taken control in a spontaneous way (beating an opponent last second, reeling in the big one).
I’m still trying to figure out the differences between the girliest girls among us and the tomboys, like me, who have spent inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to control the spontaneous. Maybe if I really want to convert from being a tomboy, I need to worry less about the clothes and makeup I’m wearing and more about the forethought and planning.
I LOVED the tea. I loved the process of planning, the time I spent with the women behind the scenes, and then the sense of accomplishment that what we had hoped would happen… did. It is so unlike the preparation for a game with a completely unpredictable outcome.
My job, for the tea, was to help write a presentation. I spent time with my writing partner writing, and discussing and refining. I spent time, in front of a mirror, practicing and preparing. I presented the end product with the hopes it would sound the way we had intended.
I think writing has always been my girly expression. There is planning and preparation and expectation. I am grateful for my tomboy tendencies though. It is helping me to adjust to the surprising ways readers ingest what I write.
My tomboy conversion continues, but it may not look like it to an outside observer. I’m fairly confident that I haven’t been able to stick with it because my transformation really needs to start from the inside…out.