“Don’t coach your friends’ kids. They won’t be your friends for long,” a long-time youth coach told me once when we were talking about adult friendships in youth sports.
At the time, I had coached mostly other people’s children, so I didn’t fully appreciate what he meant. He was a bit catastrophic in his declaration, but I do think he was on to something.
Parents who step into coaching roles, when their children are athletes on the team, run the risk of isolating themselves from all the other adults there. Let’s face it, because of the competitive nature of team sports and the jockeying players and families do every season, all adult relationships in youth sports are challenging.
My first stint navigating friendships and coaching my own kids was when our oldest was four years old. I thought it would be fun to have the boys get together after pre-school to run through a few technical soccer drills/games. The happy side effect would be that they would all get better at being athletes and I would forge new friendships with the moms who brought their kids to my free clinics.
I had miscalculated slightly.
The friendships forged were among the boys as they played and for the moms who socialized while I coached. I did ultimately become very good friends with a couple of those moms, but our relationships blossomed off the field. That is actually one of the most important suggestions for fostering friendships that begin or exist on a sideline.
Do things together away from the sporting arena.
As busy as those youth sports schedules are, it is paramount that the friendships you want to foster exist outside of the playing area. Go to a movie, start a book club, create hiking or walking routines. Then make a point of talking about literally anything except the team, the sport, or the field drama. Get to know things about each other so that you can share life and not just stats.
Open and honest lines of communication. Ditch the gossip.
As a coach, I experience soccer games from the opposite perspective of the parents who attend. Literally from the opposite side of the field. Choosing to coach two of our kids while they were high schoolers set me up for broken and strained relationships with several of their friends’ parents.
If you’ve been on youth sports sidelines, you know how gossip and toxic communication can wreak havoc. The secrecy can include comments about the performance of an athlete, in which case efforts are made for that athlete’s parents not to hear. Decisions of the coach are also regularly questioned and that needs to stay out of coach earshot too. Whoever the comment might mention creates hushed tones and side talking.
Relationships don’t grow well in that environment.
What if we only said what we would be willing to share directly with the person about whom we have an opinion?
If you are the type to gossip about your friends or gossip with your friends about others, it is probable that your sideline relationships will be difficult too. No friendship can flourish if it is built on secrets, gossip or dishonesty. Choosing positive, relationship-focused behavior is the only way to solidify those sideline friendships.
Meagan Frank 
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